


Peri.com

by E350tb



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-26
Updated: 2018-05-26
Packaged: 2019-05-14 00:28:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 738
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14759177
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/E350tb/pseuds/E350tb
Summary: Steven's been out today, and Peridot's been busy...





	Peri.com

**Author's Note:**

  * For [realfakedoors](https://archiveofourown.org/users/realfakedoors/gifts).



> An idea I had to run with because when else am I gonna get to use that pun. Gifting it to my friend [realfakedoors](https://archiveofourown.org/users/realfakedoors/pseuds/realfakedoors), who I'd recommend you check out.

**Peri.com**

It had been an eventful day for Steven Universe, but a nice one. He'd spent it on a day trip with his dad and Connie to the Farmer's Market. Some might think that the Farmer's Market was a bit boring, but Steven enjoyed being out in the country, and the food and artisan products they'd found had been wonderful.

Still, he was worn out as he stepped back into the Beach House. The sun was setting but it was nowhere near dark, and he didn't want to sleep too early. He decided to microwave some noodles and watch some TV before bed.

The house was empty - Garnet was away on mission, Pearl had gone to visit Sheena, and Amethyst was showing Peridot the wonders of the internet. Although he loved being around the gems, Steven appreciated the quiet - it was nice to just sit back and enjoy the quiet.

Before long, the bowl of noodles was ready and he was sitting comfortably on his bed. The TV was quietly playing the ads before _Crying Breakfast Friends_ \- it was going to be a rerun, but of an episode he particularly enjoyed.

Yes, this was wonderful. What could ruin his good mood?

Suddenly, the ads gave way to a breaking news bulletin. Steven sighed - he supposed CBF would be late tonight.

" _This is Delmarva News Central for a brief update regarding to today's top story. Jim?_ "

Steven sat back, tempted to mute the broadcast - but he couldn't find the remote, and he didn't want to get back up.

" _Thanks Charlene. The entire region has been taken by storm by the new web sensation, Peri.com."_

Steven shot back up, eyes wide.

" _The website, launched at noon today, seems at first glance to be amateurish fansite for the old Canadian rom-com,_ Camp Pining Hearts," continued the reporter, " _But a page on the site entitled 'Things Earth People Need To Figure Out,' professes to hold the key to massive technological advancements on Earth. The long, rambling screed describes everything from life-extension medication to faster-than-light travel. DNC went down to street level to ask you for your opinions._ "

The screen changed to former Mayor Dewey, who was covered in ashes and soot.

" _Well, I tried to follow her advice and upgrade my car's engine_ ," he said, " _And it blew up. I guess motor oil isn't a good substitute for plasma-based spaceship lubricant._ "

The screen changed again, this time to the interior of Fish Stew Pizza.

" _I think it's just a prank,_ " shrugged Jenny, " _Like Space Rhombus._ "

" _No, the Space Rhombus guy was serious,_ " said Kiki.

" _Really? Whoa..._ "

Then Ronaldo and Peedee came on screen - the former was fuming.

" _I don't_ care _what she says about FTL!_ " spluttered Ronaldo, " _How dare she say Perlette is 'objectively trash!' That is_ factually incorrect _and she knows it!_ "

" _Ronaldo,_ " urged Peedee, " _We're on the_ news _._ "

" _Good!_ " exclaimed Ronaldo, " _Everybody needs to know this!_ "

The scene changed again, this time to Sadie. Steven did a double-take - her hair and skin was green.

" _She said it was supposed to be an immortality thing,_ " shrugged Sadie, " _Anyway, Lars bet it wouldn't work, so I'm twenty bucks richer. Hopefully that'll be worth the Cosmo and Wanda jokes we're gonna get."_

She scratched her head.

" _I'm getting the weirdest feeling of déjà vu about now..._ "

The screen returned to Jim.

" _The government has yet to respond fully to the impact of the website, but a senior OSS agent gave us a brief statement._ "

A man in black appeared on the TV, standing on a podium with the OSS seal emblazoned on it.

" _We're still looking for the creator of this website,_ " he said, " _We want to arrest... ah..._ award _her a prize. Yes, that'll do._ "

A few soldiers walked past him, rifles at the ready. The man in black winced and urged them to get out of frame.

Once again, Jim was on screen.

" _Wherever this anonymous Peridot is, she has likely changed the course of human history,"_ he said, " _If you have any information regarding her, please contact us immediately. My name is Jim, and this is Delmarva News Central._ "

The broadcast wrapped up, and the opening credits for _Crying Breakfast Friends_ began to play. Steven paid it no heed, slowly reaching for his phone and dialling Amethyst. The phone rang twice.

" _Yo, Steven, what's up! We're just..."_

"Guys," said Steven, his voice dangerously even, "What did you do?"

**Author's Note:**

> Give Peridot access to website creation tools for ten minutes and you'd have altered the course of humanity forever.


End file.
